I might get a little deep on this one…
I’ve attended all sorts of talk therapy over the years with various professionals, to varying degrees of success. In 2010, one had a theory which blew my mind; I’d accepted my depression as normal… My “Class Clown” personality was simply a coping mechanism. It made sense then, it still makes sense today, when I’m with anyone else, I usually joke and carry on and I’m comfortable & having a good time. Once the dust settles and I’m alone again, I feel just that, alone. Some brutal honesty… I’ve always felt alone, always felt like I don’t fit in, and I always feel like people are judging me for whatever reason… Even with the amazing friends and family I have, I still feel alone.
We all have our highs and lows as we ride the rollercoaster that is life, I finally talked to my doctor and accepted a prescription to help me with the extreme lows that I was experiencing. Several months in now, and I’m happy to report “so far, so good”. This is helping me greatly with the journey this time around.
I haven’t had any Pepsi (or any kind of carbonated drink) since May 22; I’m very proud of that.
I’m proud of that progress, but I’m beginning a food journal/diary to get a picture of what I’m consuming every day… I’ve struggled greatly with this task in the past, so I’m really not looking forward to the reality check it’s going to provide me… But it’s very necessary.
There’s a long road ahead, but I need to focus on small goals and take “baby steps”. Thanks for all the support!
Till next time,